Mommy victory + suburban fail

This may be giving away my age, but I remember back in high school when Applebee's was a new invention, at least in the mid-sized bedroom community of Fredericksburg, Virginia, and MAN, it was the place to be!!  I remember going on dates with my high school boyfriend after we both got off work (me as a bag girl at the Virginia equivalent of a Whole Foods/AJ's blend and him as the lumber guy at Lowe's) in his Nissan Pulsar in the summertime with the t-tops off.  We didn't have a care in the world.  No cell phones.  No Facebook to update with where we were or who we were with.  No cameras.  No interruptions.  Simpler times.

This is exactly what I didn't want to end up with.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I was tasked with preparing goodie/loot bags for my daughter's 2nd birthday (Earth Day) party.  I roamed the aisles of Party City and Target a few times and was uninspired by the endless piles of cheap imported junk.  It's always very low grade and very very cheap.  I am slighly opposed to all this junk because I have a hard time with how/where it is made and knowing that despite a mini-slinky only costing me $0.25, the manufacturer, the shipping company, Target/Party City are all still making money.  That means it cost like $0.01 to make...which means they couldn't have paid their workers very much - nor are they disposing of their waste properly or providing their workers with safe conditions.  The math doesn't work.  And this is where I draw the line.  I didn't want to fill a crappy little plastic bag with imported junk only to have the other parents do what I typically do -- let my kid play with it for a few hours and then throw it away once they go to bed.

So I was stumped.  But I had to figure things out tonight because I was shopping while the kids were asleep and I wouldn't have another chance to do this before the party.

I texted a wonderful friend of mine who happens to be the mother of three.  I simply said "Did I mention I HATE loot bags?  Do I really have to do them??!?"  She called me within 3 seconds and said 100% agreed and we needed to think of something clever.  Within 10 minutes, she was by my side roaming the aisles of Wal-Mart (I know, I know...I hate them too but what else is open at 8:45pm and has everything you might need for an alternative loot bag idea?!?).  Within 15 minutes of her arrival, with are departing with a cart full of potting soil, flower pots, seeds and sand toys.

I offer to buy her a drink for her help saving me from falling into the trap of bags full of shitty $0.35 imported toys and knock-off crayons.  The time is nearly 9 and we figure that because we live in the suburbs, most places are closed already.  It IS a Thursday night.  So we joke about making this a stereotypical night and going to Applebee's.  The idea is funny and it sticks.  Off we go...

There are about 6 cars in the parking lot so we go in and walk up to the bar.  A few random dudes around the bar and two couples sitting at tables in the bar area.  We ask for their beer list and the best I can find is a Blue Moon (I should note that they did have Four Peaks Kiltlifter on tap, but it gives me a headache so I rarely order it).

So I order a Blue Moon and the not-so-friendly neighborhood bartender does not ask me what size I would like ... so out comes my giant Blue Moon (for $5.75).

After our beers arrive, my friend remarks about the smell inside the restaurant.  Yeah, now that you mention it ... it smells like total $hit.  Like dirty bar rag + dirty socks + wet carpet + sewer.  The waitress returns to ask if we'd like to order food and the thought of food in this stinky place makes me gag a little.  Seriously.  Moments later I overhear the couple seated at the table behind us trying to flag down their waitress.  I look over and see the woman poking at her food with her fork and a disgusted look on her face.  Her boyfriend/husband/whatever is looking inquisitively at her plate.  Now she's pulling a hair out of her food so the waitress can see.  <gag>  <stomach doing flips>  The waitress doesn't seem too concerned about this discovery.  She takes the plate from the woman and as she turns around I see her roll her eyes and walk back to the kitchen with it.  I'm sorry -- are you annoyed with your customer or your kitchen cleanliness?

I look at my friend and nearly simultaneously we both yell out, "Check please!?!?"

End result: flower pots full of marigold seeds with a straw/paper flower.
Happy Birthday/Earth Day!